We sold the Villa

Everything went at a snail's pace 

Here's a snail

A Funny thing happened on the way from the Funeral

Packed car parks in the afternoon an hundreds of black clad old biddies homing in on the church like beetles can only mean one thing in San Jose - Funeral!

'Who's dead?' i asked Xicu in the supermarket.

'Pep des Puig,' he replied, 'lived up the back here, had a carpenter's workshop, was always in Can Bernat. You'd know him if you saw him.'

The Two Sides of a One Sided Match

Everybody sees things from a different perspective, especially if it's something they're really passionate about. Not with me yet? Don't worry, here's the perfect illustration using 'The Greatest Game,' Rugby.

Here's a Wigan fan's view of a cup match against Saints



And here is a Saint's fan's view of the same tie



Almost identical aren't they?

Rock, Tapas, Beer and Photos

I went out to San Jose's Beer, Rock and Tapas fest on Wednesday armed only with two hands to investigate if it was possible to drink beer, eat tapas, and photograph rockers all at the same time.

 As this blurry shot of the Good Ol' Blues Mafia Boys shows, the answer was a resounding NO. Nevertheless I'll be going along again today to try to establish conclusive proof of my findings

Palma Photos Slideshow

Here, they are, some of my photos from my trip to Palma de Mallorca last week.

Something Fishy in Palma Aquarium

Fins ain't what they should be down at Palma Aquarium. I was lucky enough just to get there on bath night for the jellyfish. It's a good thing it's only once a month like everyone else here as they put the poor little things in a giant washing machine.
Look

Feeling a bit peckish, I noticed that the restaurant had some canapés by Anton Mosimann

which were delicious, though I just had enough room for some raspberry jelly!

I wish I hadn't offered to help feed the sharks as I really did put my big foot in it.

And as usual, there's a just for fun quiz. What did the aquarium staff say to me when the shark coughed up my shoe?

The Zoo Project, Ibiza.

The sound of hammer on tile yesterday morning reminded me of last year's Ibiza Winter Pool competition when two of our neighbours slugged it out to find the most inept builders for major works on their swimming pools.

Neighbour number 2, where yesterday's work was taking place, obviously succeeded as almost a year to the day, they are still frigging around there.

Neighbour number 1 struck the jackpot. His workers finished only 3 months behind their two month schedule meaning that their client only lost about ten grand of rental income having to cancel reservations made by people to holiday in his house.

Now, his new project is constructing a 'parque infantil' - a children's amusement area with swings, slides etc and a mini zoo with chickens, rabbits and goats (which can all be eaten when he gets fed up of having a zoo in his garden)

And guess who he's got doing the construction work? Yep, the swimming pool mob! When you find a bunch of workers as efficient as them in Ibiza, you keep them sweet!

Viva Servicio al Cliente

Only in client friendly Ibiza could you find a sign as helpful as this.

It's in the office window of a boat repair and maintenance company in San Antonio port and says that they've sailed into the sunset until March and are now in Valencia. Valencia is a 5 hour journey by once weekly ferry and a mere 14 hours (don't ask me why, maybe it's uphill) back.

Frosty Glasses

You know when film directors have to clever up some blonde bimbo for a role that requires a small spark of intelligence - a secretary say - they always use glasses as a prop to signify intelligence and sophistication.

It works! Here I am with glasses in Sa Capella

I look just like Mariella Frostrup!

Credit Crunch

Have you ever noticed that when you just spent 20 minutes crunching numbers into your phone's keypad giving every conceivable detail about your credit card, the first thing the real person that you eventually get to talk to asks is, "what's your credit card number?" 

What's that all about?

Art in Rome

Blog-o-philes may already know that my record with works of art isn't that good. Every time I step into a gallery it's the day when they're changing all the exhibitions and all there is to be seen are blank walls or workmen scratching their heads.


So it was with some confidence (you can see where this one's going) that Jaki and I set off for the Santa Maria del Popolo church in Rome where Caravaggio's upside down crucifixion of St. Peter has been hanging in the Cerasi Chapel since 1600.


It had been taken down for restoration and was propped up, upside down against a wall under the glare of glaring arc lights. So just our luck, but we did get to see Caravaggio's right way up 'Crucifixion of St Peter.'

Later we went to the Holiest of Holies, the Sistine Chapel in the Vatican, HQ of the Roman Catholic Church and home to Michelangelo's ceiling featuring a central depiction of the Creation of Adam. You'd think that after 500 years it would still be there, and you'd be right, and we were absolutely gobsmacked into silence. Not by the fresco, but by the rubbish on the floor that some knobheads had left. We couldn't believe that anyone could be so thoughtless and disrespectful!


So now, every time I think of the non pristine sistine, instead of

all I remember is this

!

Fashion Ibiza

Have you ever noticed that when you see a fashion model in a glossy magazine and you think 'wow, I like those shoes!!'

and then you read on and it says, Nigel Hall denim jacket (Ebay £3), Nigel Hall linen shirt (Ebay £1), Gap linen cargo trousers (Ebay £2) and shoes (model's own). What's that all about?

Do You Know the Way to San Jose

Fortunately the driver of the number 8 bus did and dropped me off in the car park just round the corner from the 'View from the (Ibiza) Villa' villa.

I had my trusty phone-vid with me during the journey and took this bus' eye view of the village from Xicu's supermarket to the car park.

 There's an observation quiz that goes with the video............. Can anybody name the two restaurants and two bars which we pass on the left during our brief journey??

Ibiza Supermarket Sweep

What supermarket in the entire western world would put a €49 bottle on the top shelf right next to the alcy pops for 79 cents?

Why, SYP would, of course! Probably in the hope that our local shabbily dressed wino gang, the Don Simon Mob, would change their chosen tipple should they ever pay a shop lifting visit to that fine retail establishment.

iThoughts from iBiza

Have you ever noticed that when you've just spent two hours downloading and installing the monthly new version of iTunes, you then spend two hours unsuccessfully searching for whatever is new or improved on the version you already had? What's that all about?

Dynamic Dalmatian Duo

As this blog still gets visitors from Duo Ibiza, our local dog sanctuary, checking up on Floyd's progress, I thought I'd post a short video of both Floyd (first on screen) and Marli. 

Zoom Ibiza

Don't feel inadequate if your phone video doesn't have a 10 x digital zoom option. Just get a bit closer to your subject.

See how fast I can run now?

Emergency August: Ibiza

Ibiza in August is a nightmare; hot and crowded.

I only ever step out of the door for emergencies and my petrol consumption for the month, a tank and a quarter, and the number of photos I've taken, 25, proves this.

Here's photographic evidence of a Red Cross 1.7 km round trip I made for emergency supplies.

DIY Ibiza

How cool can DIY get?

Fita, a big DIY store in Ibiza town has had local graffiti artist Jerom spray a mural over the entire facade. Here it is, and to give it scale I've left a bit of my car in.

That's just soooooooooooooo Ibiza. (As is them not having what I drove all the way down there to buy)

In a Bar in San Jose, Ibiza

What could be better than a cold beer, some olives and boquerones in lemon juice and olive oil while you're waiting for your Saturday night tapas?

No? Well I'll tell you. A nice chunk of country bread to mop up that oil would have done the trick!