A Well Known Phrase or Saying

Years before we moved to Ibiza, in the St. Helens of my youth, we used some odd expressions. One of my favourites concerned the mythical Duffy family, who unlike everybody else in Glass Town, seemed to have everything.


So, whining kids who complained, 'we've nobody to play with,' received the abrupt retort, 'go and play with Duffy's kids.' Similarly, a complaint about having no money was summarily dealt with by 'Duffy'll lend you some.'

Now, miles and years away from those days, and thanks to this young lady,













I'm still pleased to be able to say to Jaki's 'can we have some music in the car?' request, 'Aye, put Duffy's CD on!'

SOS SEO IBIZA

Ever since we rocketed to the top of the French Google charts with the unlikely search request about a buried dog in the sand at Sa Trinxa this blog has been entirely uninundated with any more French searchers. It seems that being number one in a niche market (of one, probably) doesn't automatically bring fame and fortune.

I need to mention something to bring more fashionably elegant big spenders flocking on to the site, but what on earth would Los Froggos be searching for?
'le plus cheap cafe au lait en Ibiza'
'vacances gratuites en Ibiza'
'un petit plat du jambon à partager entre 8 personnes en Ibiza'
Excuse my Franglaise, but that'll bring them here en masse!

(Photo: le plus cheap creme en ibiza)

I'm going to have to change my tack on the English language searches also. It would appear that the poptastic has beens resident on Ibiza - Noel Gallagher, James Blunt and Chas Smash - that I witter endlessly on about are also a niche market (of one, probably)

A gentleman called Eric Sonysson has surveyed a huge sample of pasty-faced spotty oiks studying A level Computer Technology and found that along with not being able to navigate themselves out of their darkened bedrooms to negotiate the purchase of 20 Rothmans, most of them have never heard of Ibiza's famous discos, djs or electronic dance music scene.

So just for them

Ibiza Rocks Hotel The Enema

Three Hundred and Sixty Degree Ibiza Webcam

Courtesy of today's modern technology we at View from the Ibiza Villa have been able to bring you groundbreaking blogging techniques including the no click map, the fruit and vegetable apple i-pod, and now we've gone one better with our new 360 degree camera which, as you can gather from the title, is very hot indeed!

Quite naturally, living on the exciting island of Ibiza, famed for its hedonist party scene where anything goes, we have trained the camera on a nearby car park. Take a look for yourself, the images will refresh themselves automatically............

The Changing Face of the Church

Hands up if you thought I'd asked Bob the Vicar or some of the San Antonio prayer mob to pen a short article about perceptions of religion in 20th Century Ibiza?

Wrong. Maybe I should have called it 'The Changing Facade of the Church of San Jose' to be more accurate. You'll probably all be familiar with its normal whitewashed look, plane and simple, for everyday occasions like births, deaths and marriages.

Well, thanks to a double helping of modern day technology I'm able to bring you a photo of how it looked the other week in our Flower Power Fiesta.

Thanks to my new Bluetooth dongle I have been able to liberate all Jaki's photos hitherto incarcerated on her mobile phone - so stand by for lots of photos and no phone calls.

Punta Galera, San Antonio, Ibiza

or 'What was I on? Part 1'

The first in a series of one visit to Ibiza's few remaining Hippy Hideaways. Ironically reached by driving through San Antonio's most expensive and exclusive housing estate, you know you've arrived when the road peters out by someone's enormous front gates.

From there you can't miss the flat rock 'platforms' left after some good old Ibicenco quarrying - just follow the prints left in the earth by a thousand pairs of Jesus sandals and keep the sea on your left.

Summer scene of skinny dippers, nude sunbathers staked out on the rocks, unlicensed chilled drink selling and boat trips, Cala Yoga as it is sometimes referrred to, was mercifully empty today.

Typical of today's modern world, somebody had seen fit to dump a perfectly good Buddha's head right in the middle of the rocks!

The Buddha's Head (What was I on? Edit)

Please, please, please, keep Ibiza tidy. Take your rubbish home when you leave.

Living in the Past

Here in Ibiza there's no need to be nostalgic about living in the past. With our undrinkable water, intermittent supply of electricity, ineffective drainage, and vast swathes of empty supermarket shelves (no lamb to be found in SYP this Easter) we are only short of gangs of rickety street urchins to give the feeling of living in Dickensian London. And if all that wasn't bad enough, we don't have a single free Wi-Fi access point in Ibiza.

However, wealthy villa owner Steve Taylor has pointed out that for people like him and me - abjectly cash rich, but living in the lap of poverty where time is concerned - living in the past can be quite advantageous!

Thanks to Sky+ where we can watch a recorded programme whilst simultaneously recording another, it is possible to live life a day behind the rest of the world by watching all yesterday's TV today. The best thing about this is that you can fly through the adverts at 30 times their normal speed, thus giving yourself an extra hour at the end of the day for whatever takes your fancy!



Even better, you can record all the games in the Rugby Union Six Nations Championship and rather than spend a whole afternoon dozing through endless rolling mauls and kicking duels, just check in the paper to see if any of the 90 players involved managed to touch the ball down and merely fast forward to that point in the game. It shouldn't take long and there won't be many, (if any) occasions to take your thumb off the button.

Cala Conta

An invigorating 'blow the cobwebs away' type of video for a Good Friday from Ibiza's Cala Conta. Keep an eye on Marli's ears when she strays into shot.

Sketches of Spain - Andalusia 2002

Now and then we manage a holiday from the paradise island of Ibiza. It's nice to go, and nice to come back. With nothing better to do this morning other than prepare all our garden furniture for a good old coat of teak oil - ie scrubbing it down with a solution of salt and fairy liquid - I made a new slideshow whilst Jaki was painting the bedrooms.



It's our trip to the south of Spain in 2002 when we stayed in Denia, Granada, Cordoba, Toledo and Alarcon. The south's the bit with all the hot weather, strongest coffee, most unfathomable accent and an endless supply of olive trees.

Here's a taster from the slideshow (at the bottom of the blog) - it's the unreal landscape of Guadix, dotted with cave houses which have a facade and then burrow back into the soft rock beyond. Their temperature remains at a constant and comfortable 21 degrees celsius all day, all night and all year. We had a little tour of one thanks to an entrepreneurial little lad who only charged us a Euro to see his parents' house!

Don't Bug Me, OK?

Bugz in da Ibiza House

San Jose Flower Power

Yes, this time I really mean the Flower Power Fiesta in the village. Drinking for Britain as I was, my memory of the event is a bit fuzzy, but thanks to forum buddy Mackie, who has a phone with camera, here's a couple of photos of the church.

I vaguely recall bopping away in the square hoping to be headhunted by the boss of the Pacha dancers but I think my lack of timing and coordination to the Village People's MCYA may have put him off.

Not to worry though, it hasn't spoiled my chances of being next year's Kenny Logan on Strictly Come Dancing.

Marli Amb Tomàquet

Now I'm Ibiza's top SEO man I thought I'd attract a few Ibicencos to my View from the (Eivissa) Villa by sticking in a well worn phrase in Catalan - Pa Amb Tomàquet, which as we all know means Pan Con Tomate or Bread and Tomato.

It was such a fabulous day that we took Marli to the beach at Cala San Vicente

and afterwards called in at La Peralta bar in San Carlos for a coffee and mid-morning snack. Here in Ibiza, 13.30 is considered to be the morning as afternoon starts after lunch (around 3ish) - none of this reliance on the clock to distinguish the different parts of the day! Any road, guess what we had? Yes Bread Amb Tomate and marli joined us for a bite too.

When we did arrive home it was still morning and we spent the rest of it lounging by the pool watching the palm lazily wafting in the breeze.

I found that Billy Cobham's 'Recollections' made ideal palm wafting watching accompaniment on my low tech i-pod.

Noel Gallagher's Top Taxi Tips

To celebrate the first anniversary of the View from the (Ibiza) Villa Blog I have dredged up one of my old articles from years gone by. It purports to be from a former and present neighbour of mine, Noel Gallagher.

Noel lived in Burnage when I lived in Stretford (Chorlton border) and has a pad in Es Cubells which isn't too far from San Jose. As yet Noel hasn't had cause to moan about me, or my crap music, as he has done with other super famous Ibiza resident James Blunt!

So here's the article

Noel Gallagher's Top Taxi Tips (a Manc-Spanish Phrasebook)

Y'awright mate - Como Estás Senor
I wanna go t'KFC - Quiero ir á KFC
'Ave yer bin busy? - Has estado occupado?
What time you on till? - Hasta que hora trabajarás?
'Ow much? - Cuanto Cuesta?
See ya. - Hasta la vista

And here's a taxi

William Morris in Ibiza??

Did socialist, poet and wallpaper designer William Morris ever visit Ibiza. It looks like it doesn't it?

Don't Phone Me II

I'm waiting on a call from Jaki to tell me which flight she's on back to Ibiza.

Talking of that young lady, I was reminded of a story concerning one of her many pronouncements whilst thumbing through my collection of rugby photos.

I'd just watched 17 stone, 6' 4" Jason Cayless cross the line for a touchdown in the 2006 cup final against Huddersfield Giants.

During the celebrations Jaki said 'gosh, he's ugly.'

Quick as a flash I countered that he doesn't get paid to score tries with his face!

Don't Phone Me

I'm expecting a call from St. Helens coach Daniel Anderson!

Despite having God on our side and winning nearly every game in the last minute, our horrendous injury list continues to grow. This time the world's greatest hooker, Kieron Cunningham is crocked.

Daniel's down to his last 20 players for the trip to Perpignan on Saturday and told Sky Sports:

"If I lose another player now, someone is going to have to give up a day of work or come out of school, that's how light we are."

I reckon that even though I've not actually played for 40 years, my close Ibiza proximity to the Catalan region could lead to Daniel picking up the phone. Let's face it, I wouldn't be the oldest player ever to turn out for Saints, Frankie Wilson will hold that record for ever.

Talking of rugby, when we moved from our Rugby League playing junior school to the Union territory of Cowley Grammar, we'd just witnessed one of Saint's finest teams sweep all before them in 1966. A monstrous pack containing Ray French, John Mantle and Cliff Watson, made it easy for our backs with Alex Murphy at the helm and Vollenhoven and Killeen on the wings to lay waste to opposition defences.

Quite naturally kicking away possession up the touchline was anathema to us. We wanted to 'pick up the ball and run' but were drilled incessantly by our coach Ray French in the noble art of kicking the ball into the crowd. Despite this we still managed to monster our way through all the big-softies-without-a-clue who played for grammar schools in Fylde, the Wirral and Cheshire.

One day kicking the ball away really did provide us with entertainment. The pitch at King's School Macclesfield had a river running alongside it and the first time we booted to touch the ball went in, followed by a posh kid to retrieve it. So we did it again, and another one went in, and then another, and another until the whole team was drenched soaking wet on a cold Saturday afternoon.

Anyway, the point is, if they diverted the Thames past Twickenham, then something a little more entertaining than watching red and white paint dry might happen.

Ibiza Weather Forecast

The great thing about living in a Mediterranean climate is that you can usually forecast the weather with a certain degree of accuracy.

eg you're all invited round to the (Ibiza) Villa on August 15th for a massive BBQ bash and don't bother bringing your emergency ponchos in case of a sudden downpour because it's going to be hot and sunny.

My second prediction involves the next couple of months when the weather will, be dull, rainy, windy and generally lacking in sunshine hours. How do I know? Because I've just spent a fortune on a new pair of Ray-Bans to replace my Armani shades which were nicked from our car last August.

Home Alone: Paella al Vago

Boys, ever been left in the lurch by your young lady who's gone off on a 5 day shopping trip and left nothing in to eat? Well, I found myself in the very situation on Saturday when i needed a quick, nourishing, tasty, cheap and healthy meal before i went out rockin' in Raco Verd.

So here's what I did - Paella al Vago (Lazy Man's Paella)

First, sweat off any Mediterranean vegetables you find in the fridge. I used a red pepper, some spring onions and garlic.

Then add loads of squid, mussels, prawns, and crab legs which can be purchased for €6 per kilo in Suma. I used half a kilo.

Unlike me, you might have a choice at this stage. You can add short grain rice to make Paella, or macaroni type pasta to make a Fideua. Add boiling water and some saffron, salt and pepper and the beans you used for an amusing satire on i-pods, and leave it simmering.

Now the good bit. Pour yourself a Martini with ice and lemon and crack open a packet of paprika chipsticks. Keep yourself amused by eating them while you wait.

The Paella is now ready

Did you know that the Paella is so named after the dish in which it is prepared, known to the ancient Romans as a 'patella.' This is also the medical term for the knee cap which resembles a round, shallow dish

VFTIV SEO

Yes, we're number one in Google!! In the exciting world of SEO (Search Engine Optimisation) View from the Ibiza Villa was first choice on French Google when searching for

"dog buried sand sa trinxa ibiza"

I'm justifiably proud of my achievements getting the blog so high on the list. If I could only get rid of the James Blunt Brigade.........

The Eight Girl

Happy Birthday Marli. Eight today.

Like the Queen, Marli has an official birthday - it's the anniversary of her joining us in Ibiza and today marks three years since I went to collect her from Barcelona.

Here's the photo I first saw of her on the shelter's website that attracted me to her.


Who could resist? Well, not me, and thanks to Monica the vet's help Marli made the long journey from Castellbisbal to Ibiza and has never looked back.

Marli has her own slideshow of photos at the top right of the blog.........

Albert's Back

Legendary Brandyman and Blues drinker Albert Cooper is returning to Ibiza this year!

Albert's Back

Whilst he's not said as much, I believe he'll be gigging at San Jose's famous blues venue Raco Verd on Wednesday 23rd July backed by the Blues Mafia.

I never got to meet Albert on his last visit due to him getting himself locked into the toilet during a 'near death experience.' I'm sure we'll remedy the situation this year Albert!

Here's Albert misbehaving in Raco Verd last summer

Eight

Spook, the longest serving member of our cat pack is eight today. Ever cantankerous, never obliging, here's her official birthday portrait.

The Wild Bunch

On our Ibiza nature trail, highly trained asparagus hound Marli was unable to find a single stalk of the stuff, being too busy ignoring rabbits, frogs and dragon flies, but we did!

A Bunch of Wild Asparagus

Wild Asparagus meets Tame Prawns

What a great idea for Sunday lunch on a sunny terrace!

Wild in Ibiza

Time to talk about great creating nature, red in tooth and claw (sorry Shakespeare and Tennyson for mashing you up) as we left our darkened office today and went out into the big, wide, Ibiza world.

Following the torrent down to the well and back and without the aid of a pair of baggy explorer pants (sorry David Attenborough and Bob the Vicar for mixing you up) we spotted a plethora of wildlife and never killed a single thing!

A Wabbit

A Fwog

A Dwagon Fly

I must apologise about the rhotacism I seem to have developed on those photo captions - Sorry.

The Big One

Oh!

Flossie's made it to her first birthday. We don't know if it really is her birthday, we just worked it back from Marga the vet's estimate of Flossie's age when she found us. Coincidentally, March 1st is a fiesta day (public holiday) in Ibiza, as we celebrate Balearic Islands' day by closing everything and doing no work.

Here's Flossie's official birthday portrait

And here's to many more..........