During one of my physio sessions at the new old people's home in Ibiza I was told that I have two 'nun's knees' - that's Housemaid's Knee in English. Using my new housemaid powers only yesterday, I spotted that there were one or two cat hairs on the living room carpet. It was only on closer inspection that I remembered we don't have a carpet in the living room.
Have you ever noticed that when people are selling 'unwanted gifts' on Ebay, they're always Mulberry Bags, Paul Smith Shoes, Zegna linen jackets or something else that you would die to receive and the only unwanted gifts you have are platignum ball point pens from that Christmas when you received 8 ball point pens? What's that all about.
I love reading hotel reviews. Especially the ones where people moan about something that is stated as plain as daylight when the hotel is booked.
I booked the UR Portofino in Palma suburb, Ciudad Jardin, last week for a short break in March
Somebody was moaning that the area it was in was very Spanish, which must have come as a bit of a shock when they stepped out of Palma de Mallorca airport and turned left. Some pillock was complaining his room wasn't ready when he arrived at 10 am even though it's clearly stated on the booking form that you can't check in until 3 pm.
Having said that, I got a bit of a surprise myself when I discovered the hotel on a 'Gay Hotels in Palma' website, I'll just have to take my Hazell Dean records along with me.
BTW if anybody's reading this who's checking in the day I check out, I'll quite happily haul myself out of bed and the room at 7am so it can be ready for your arrival at 10!
We've got the matriarch of all the street cats living in our garden at the moment. The old girl's called granny and she must have had at least 4 litters of kittens over the years we've known her in the street. Now she's been neutered and is having quite a charmed life on our porch, chasing leaves in the wind, playing with toy mice and bopping the grandkids on the head if they take too many liberties. Here's an unusual thing I noticed about her the other day and have since been on a 72 hour 'granny watch' to capture it on film - she drinks by dipping her paw into the water bowl and then sipping the water from it. Bit like that Arthur in that advert.
We really do things in a big way here in Ibiza. Here's a snap of San Jose's multi-modal transport interchange, or the bus stop as it is sometimes referred to.
My sister, waiting there for the bus to San Antonio, fell into conversation with another English couple who complained that the bloke in the ticket office didn't seem to know anything on the subject of buses. Our Kris explained that the kiosk was, in fact, where people bought their lottery tickets for ONCE, the charity for blind people.
Having said that, if you do go to a real bus ticket office, especially the one in Ibiza town, they too will know sweet FA about bus tickets, times or other related bus information.