Saturday, 29 November 2008
Thursday, 27 November 2008
A cold wave of cold polar air in the outside world has forced all our five cats to seek warmer climes inside. They all know my favourite saying regarding the central heating
'nobody goes cold in this house while I'm in it!'
Mouse is concealed behind a chair, a log basket and a large passing dog (Marli)
“Out of respect for your fellow patients please do not open the door to the doctor's surgery if it is firmly closed”
'Oh no, this isn't the medical card counter it's the EMERGENCIES counter. Medical cards are in a morning, emergencies in an afternoon.'
Tuesday, 25 November 2008
Here's my Christmas tip #1: If a strange man offers you either product, just say no, they're truly awful.
Christmas tip #2: If you are the buyer for SYP, and every year for the last 10 years, your shelves have still been full of Christmas Turrón by the following May, then buy a bit less this year!
Monday, 24 November 2008
I'll be writing an official news item tomorrow but as a taster I can tell you now that this aesthetically pleasing vehicle can accommodate 330 people on board!
Sunday, 23 November 2008
Yesterday was another beautiful day, so, fortified by a coffee, brandy, pan con tomate and serrano ham, I set off with Marli on the long ten minute drive to the beach. As you can see, it couldn't have been more perfect.......sun, waves, pine fringed beach, golden sand and clear blue sea.
Friday, 21 November 2008
Tuesday, 18 November 2008
Believe it or not, it was invented by a Catalan - Facundo Bacardi Masso – from Sitges (site of the first Pacha disco) and, if you Google it in Catalan, around 6 million web pages are returned.
So you'd think that if you mentioned 'Bacardi,' everybody in the world would know what you were talking about? Not in SYP, Ses Paisses' superstore they don't!
For reasons with neither rhyme nor logic, Bacardi is one of the products which sits behind locked glass doors in a display cabinet near the check outs. Yesterday I'd positioned myself in the queue for the till nearest to the cabinet – nothing clever about that – it was the only one open.
I said to the girl, 'before we start, I want a bottle of Bacardi from the cabinet.'
Less than one second later she asked, 'what was it you wanted?'
and about 2 seconds later on arrival at the cabinet, 'what?'
Ten seconds later I said, 'it's on the bottom shelf on the left.'
'Is this it?' she asked, holding a bottle of Anise on the top shelf on the right.
'No, I want BACARDI,'
'He wants BACARDI,' echoed a fellow frustrated customer.
Next time I'll be requesting some obscure Russian Vodka with its name in Cyrillic script, it'll be easier!
Monday, 17 November 2008
Imagine my surprise when I returned a few hours later to find that developers had thrown up dozens of apartment blocks in just a few short hours.They're obviously top quality, as the €2 milion price tag attests, and I was pleased to see (and hear) that a ghetto full of third world Johnnies had already shoe horned themselves into one spacious apartment to regale the rest of the complex with music from the dark continent at ultra high volume.
Viva apartment living!
Thursday, 13 November 2008
A chance meeting at the hairdressers yesterday by Jaki, who bumped into Ibiza tennis player and DJ Andy Wilson reminded me that not only did he live in Didsbury and now San Jose but that he also loved the 80's.
Wednesday, 12 November 2008
Buoyed up by a successful few minutes assembling two Habitat Tasman beds we decided to go to the Hipercentro to buy a self-assembly computer desk we'd seen previously..........................more later.
Our new second-hand beds had until recently resided in La Belle France at a friend of Jaki's (Jane's) house in Gascony - the home of Armagnac.
Just take a look at the link, it looks fabulous. I'd go tomorrow!
Anyway, the beds had been shipped to Jane's house in England where we had them collected by our man Gary of GB Easymove to bring here to Ibiza. Thanks to Habitat's high quality materials, we had them put together in no time at all and they are now ready to sleep on.
Back to the Hipercentro, and guess what? They didn't have any computer desks in boxes.
'Can we have the one on display?' I asked.
'No, it's on display because new stock is on the point of arrival.'
'When will that be?'
So we asked him to ring us when the new stock arrived. As we walked out Jaki said that that would be the last we'd ever hear from him. And I think she's right
Monday, 10 November 2008
You can lie on the beach, gaze out to sea, eat and drink at one of the cafes dotted along the shore, or take in the views.
Sunday, 9 November 2008
So, in no particular order, I came up with
Craig, Arlene, Len and Bruno
or, if you can't make a decision one way or t'other and are about to burst into tears.......
Louis, Danii, Cheryl and Simon.
Friday, 7 November 2008
It's an exponential scale based on the comedic value of what's gone on. So for example if you didn't find it the least bit funny, click Ross, Brand or Carr, and if it was titter inducing, click Kay.
Easy. Click away!!!
Thursday, 6 November 2008
We were already feeling festive because on a sausage buying trip to Peter the Butchers I picked up the Christmas order form - the one on which we get our mince pies, Christmas pudding, Wensleydale cheese, pork joint with crackling (the Spanish don't have crackling - though you can buy pork scratchings) and duck breasts.
To cap it all, Happinez Ibiza invited me to their Christmas shop opening fiesta last night to partake in gluhwein and apple strudel round a log fire. It was of course, a rather exclusive guest list, anybody who is anybody in the village was there. As only 23 people live in San Jose this means everybody, so being invited is not a lot to brag about really.
If you're not yet in the Christmas spirit, get a load of this crib scene and snowing Christmas tree. Our cats would love it!
Sunday, 2 November 2008
Yesterday, I bought Jaki a new super duper window cleaning squeegee, and the bloke said, 'there's plenty here if you want more.'
I replied, 'one's enough, I've only got one wife.'
The smile as broad as Buster Keaton's on his face told me I should have tripped over one of the squeegee poles and landed with my head in the bucket of soapy water to raise a laugh Mr. Pastry style.
Next time I'll know!
An exact mirror image of this very same situation happened in Ibiza recently (but wasn't quite so headline grabbing) when a 75 year old man (my dad) left a series of strange messages on the answering machine of Ibiza's top comedy blogger (moi.)
Nothing odd in that, after all I had instructed him to inform me immediately should my mother ever fall well and wake up not suffering from any malady (apart from hypochondria) listed in Webster's Medical Dictionary.
The funny thing is, I don't have an answering machine, and the dozy old codger had been ringing the number we abandoned 4 years ago and now owned by someone wealthy enough to have a contestador!
What the messages were, we'll never know, as the memory man has completely forgotten the entire incident.