Sunday, 21 June 2009

Ibiza Soundrack

We all know what a soundtrack is in English. It's the music that accompanies a film to let us know when a scary bit is coming up, a comedy chase is in progress, or someone is being stabbed in a shower.

In Spanish it's called a banda sonora. That's also the term for those strips that go across a road in an attempt to slow down speeding motorists by making a loud noise as th etyres hit them. When we lived in Cala de Bou there was a lad driving a yellow Beamer who, if he hit 187kph along the Es Puet road could actually play La Cucaracha on the Bandas Sonoras!

In San Antonio on c/Ramon y Cajal they've got whopping big 'sleeping policemen' which are real suspension testers as they're high, and wide enough to house a zebra crossing.

Just by chance the other day as I was negotiating the street, in a perfect Ibiza moment, this came on my mp3 soundtrack in the car.

Thursday, 18 June 2009

El Sexto Sentido

It means 6th sense. We had a washing machine delivered today that purports to have it. The blokes who brought it did not. Uncannily they managed to ring to find out where I lived just after I left the house to take the rubbish out - I had a feeling they would, because I left a detailed map for them.

For some reason they were looking for a bus stop by which they could locate us, no idea why, because neither map nor directions mentioned the word bus or stop.

Anyway, in a completely unconnected change of direction, we've been getting ready for summer, teak oiling, linseed oiling, baby oiling and generally putting things in order.

So, from the top, let the Ibiza cliches commence.

Sa Talaia from the Bar in the Sky

Chiringuito el Cielo lounge lounge

Lounge pod with bamboo poles

Yoga platform with Buddha and bamboo poles

I reckon I could get into The Times women's supplement if I was 30 years younger!

Tuesday, 16 June 2009

Top Teak Tips

I never imagined whilst mis-spending my youth watching Barry Bucknall knocking out Victorian feature fireplaces and covering up Georgian doors with plywood that any of this accumulated knowledge would come in handy in Ibiza.
I was right. Barry's hints and tips for late 50's Britishers (the date not the age) never included anything about teak sunloungers, as back then there was no sunbathing allowed - something to do with sun cream being rationed, I think.
So, here's my tip. If your teak sunlounger is looking a bit grubby and needs a new coat of teak oil, give it a good scrub with a solution of hot water, salt and fairy liquid. rinse it down, let it dry, wipe it and then Voila, teak oil here we come.

Thursday, 11 June 2009

View from the Ibiza Office

Remember our version of Ibiza Grand Designs? When we had just 3 days to convert our basement into a luxury underground loft style office/lounge/kitchen/diner?? Remember, last March when we started and now it's the midle of June?

Well, we're almost finished, just a few tiles to go on the kitchen wall and we're there!

We had the new lighting system installed yesterday, and the new mirror put on the wall. Jaki snapped my reflection giving handyman Handy Andy some more instructions from the comfort of my executive chair.

A Million to One Chance

Unbelievable! I said I'd never ever use that word in Ibiza again, as the unbelievable happens so often that it's the norm. Anyway, by an unbelievable twist of fate, stage two of our 25th anniversary trip to the 'Yewkay' takes in a few days in Manchester and guess what's happening while we're there?Yes, the Super League Grand Final at Old Trafford! I wonder if St. Helens will be there and if it will rain? No, that's a daft question, of course it will rain.

Monday, 8 June 2009

San Jose Street View

The Google street view car paid an imaginary visit to our area yesterday and I've used some of the photos they took to illustrate the every day battles against the forces of stupidity and ignorance that we have to fight. Here's the 360 degree view

From the top
To your right - the car park
Behind you - the pedestrian lane
To your left - the road which connects the main San Antonio to Ibiza road to the Avenida Es Cubells via the town hall and the car park
To your right - the street which leads to a goat farm
So which of these streets do you think the council has chosen to prohibit parking on? Well obviously not the car park or pedestrianised steet, so top favourite would be the one packed with cars and lots of traffic from the main roads, yes?
Err, no. They've chosen to stop all cars (ie mine) from parking up a lane which goes nowhere other than to the houses of a few Ibicencos who are on the neighbours association of the town.
To show how well the money is being spent, we've had 3 seperate visits from the lads on project 'make life difficult for everyone who isn't an Ibicenco'
1. to paint the yellow lines
2. to paint the stop sign
3 to erect the stop sign
Good arrows lads!

Sunday, 7 June 2009

Ibiza Gardening Club

Isn't it incredible how nature can mimic the works of man? Every time I've been to Barcelona and stared up at Gaudi's Sagrada Familia and its 12 spires I always thought it looked similar to something else I'd seen. It dawned on me the other day that a succulent in our garden had grown just like it, like they had been seperated at birth.
Sagrada Famila Sagrada Succulent

Saturday, 6 June 2009

Ibiza Passion

Jaki will confirm that I'm a passionate sort of bloke. Passionate about St. Helens RLFC that is! Unfortunately, Ibiza blogging rules forbid me from going into print about anything happening outside the island, so I'm going to change the subject completely.

Passion Fruit.

I've got tons growing in my Ibiza garden! Not only is the flower spectacularly beautiful, but the fruit is deliciously edible. Not only is it edible, but it's also a mild sedative beloved of Brazilian mums with hyperactive kids, who would give the brats a couple of shots of fruit juice to calm them down for the day.

As a man that lives life at a "Monarch of the Glen" pace, a much needed passion booster would slow me down to a dead stop - or "Heartbeat" as it is known round here

Friday, 5 June 2009

Ibiza Check In

Every so often, if I've not heard from the old people in St. Helens, I get them to check in with me via email to ensure that they're both not lying dead of Diogenes Syndrome behind the front door.

As I've not checked in blogwise for some while I thought I'd proffer some proof of my continued existence by publishing a photo of a kitten. She's one of the litter born in our cactus patch and now living in German occupied territory across the road.

Known to us as Tiny Tillie, the Germans have called her Llum, which means light in Catalan.

Whilst I've not followed the family tradition of being dead behind the front door, I have followed the one of having an MRI scan. If ever you can't afford to get in Space for a Carl Cox session, just nip down to the clinic for a scan, the loud bleeps are pretty much identical to Carl's well planned electronica.

Marli had a brush with death herself yesterday. A shower, or death by a thousand clean water droplets as it is known around here. Here's a photo of her cartoon like claw marks scraping over the decking as I dragged her back to the torture chamber, or shower as it is known round here.