Nun's Knees

During one of my physio sessions at the new old people's home in Ibiza I was told that I have two 'nun's knees' - that's Housemaid's Knee in English. Using my new housemaid powers only yesterday, I spotted that there were one or two cat hairs on the living room carpet. It was only on closer inspection that I remembered we don't have a carpet in the living room.

Noted in Ibiza

Have you ever noticed that when people are selling 'unwanted gifts' on Ebay, they're always Mulberry Bags, Paul Smith Shoes, Zegna linen jackets or something else that you would die to receive and the only unwanted gifts you have are platignum ball point pens from that Christmas when you received 8 ball point pens? What's that all about.

An unwanted Mulberry bag

Ibiza - Palma

I love reading hotel reviews. Especially the ones where people moan about something that is stated as plain as daylight when the hotel is booked.

I booked the UR Portofino in Palma suburb, Ciudad Jardin, last week for a short break in March

Somebody was moaning that the area it was in was very Spanish, which must have come as a bit of a shock when they stepped out of Palma de Mallorca airport and turned left. Some pillock was complaining his room wasn't ready when he arrived at 10 am even though it's clearly stated on the booking form that you can't check in until 3 pm.

Having said that, I got a bit of a surprise myself when I discovered the hotel on a 'Gay Hotels in Palma' website, I'll just have to take my Hazell Dean records along with me.

BTW if anybody's reading this who's checking in the day I check out, I'll quite happily haul myself out of bed and the room at 7am so it can be ready for your arrival at 10!