Take the 'Are You an Ibby?' Test

Are you turning into an Ibby?? Just answer a few simple questions and you'll see...............................
1. You are driving through town in one of its many rush hours. Suddenly you spot your neighbour, who you haven't seen since this morning, strolling along the street. Do you?
A. Wave politely from your Opel Corsa in a manner that says "see you later" and continue your journey.
B. Bring your long wheelbase Jeep Cherokee to a screeching and otherwise unsignalled halt in the middle of the busy road and then hold a long and animated conversation with your long lost friend about the mess the binmen made this morning whilst completely holding up traffic in both directions.

2. You have thousands of Euros stuffed into a mattress and decide to invest some of it in the property market. There is a minor problem in that the land has no permission to construct. Do you?
A. Engage a good lawyer to work for you and wait patiently for 7 years whilst the relevant licenses are obtained from the Town Hall.
B. Invite your uncle and brother in law, who is the Mayor (and also the owner of a large construction company), and your cousin, who is the Chief of Police, out for a few bevvies, so that you can build your house without the inconvenience of paperwork.

3. You have popped out to the supermarket to buy a packet of sunflower seeds. It is the busiest time of the week and it is heaving, all the cashiers bar one are on an hour's break drinking coffee in the bar. You eventually find yourself at the head of an enormous checkout queue. Do you?
A. Say a quick hello to the cashier and have the correct money on hand to make your purchase and get out as quickly as possible
b. Notice that the cashier is your next door neighbour, who you haven't seen since this morning, and then hold a long and animated conversation with your long lost friend about the mess the binmen made. Then forget where you've put your purse, fumble around looking for the correct money and eventually hand over a crisp 100 Euro note, and then wait while your old friend packs your sunflower seeds into a bag.

4. Your Casa in the Campo (see 2) is finally built. Do you?
A. Call your house "Dunroamin" and spend your days relaxing in peace and tranquility in your well-tended garden.
B. Call your house "Perro Peligroso", dump an old delivery van and numerous rusting domestic appliances in its grounds, and purchase half a dozen Doberman dogs which bark incessantly, day and night, at the end of their 1 metre long chains.

5. It's the middle of August and you notice an extremely damp patch in your underarm area. Do you?
A. Take a refreshing shower and reapply that all-important extra strong deodorant.
B. Slap on a bit more cologne as bath night is still two weeks away.

6. You are on one of Ibiza's numerous car parks. You spot the one remaining space, but it is 50 metres from the exit. Do you?
A. Park in it, grateful that you have found somewhere, and walk stoically those tiring extra 50 metres.
B. Decide against the space as it's too far and block the car park exit with your Jeep Cherokee as your errand shouldn't take more than an hour.

7. You own a large construction company and you have a wagon load of old tiles, bits of concrete, aluminium ducting, asbestos, and 300 kilos of toxic waste. Do you?
A. Pay a fee to the council to dispose of the rubbish safely and unobtrusively.
B. Drive to one of the few remaining unspoilt areas of the island under cover of darkness and dump the lot over as wide an area as possible

8. You are visiting a friend who lives on the sixth floor of an apartment block. Do you?
A. Press the door bell belonging to your friend and go in when the door is opened by the entry phone.
B. Press every door bell on the panel and then stand in the middle of the street tooting your moto's horn and bellowing and shouting, "Jose, tio, Jose! Abre la puerta!"

9. You have purchased a puppy. Do you?
A. Feed it. Groom it. Take it for regular exercise, and enjoy a long and mutually enjoyable relationship together.
B. Get fed up with it after its first week crying on the balcony, then drive out to one of Ibiza's unspoilt toxic waste dumps and boot it out of the car to fend for itself.


10. You are an under-employed housewife. Your family (all 28 of them) ring to let you know that they'll be round for lunch next Sunday. Do you?
A. Give up one of your coffee afternoons to make a trip to the butchers with a list of everything you need so that you have ample preparation time.
B. Completely forget about lunch until 11am on Sunday – the one time when people with jobs can get to the supermarket – and then stand in front of the butcher's stall with no idea at all what you want and so buy 30 of everything they have.


If you have scored mostly A's then you've obviously never been to Ibiza. The odd B denotes a need to get off the island once in a while. If you failed to answer any questions then you are the mayor of Sant Josep! Good luck in your many court cases.