As Seen on TV IV: Halogen Oven

Zapping through the shopping channels yesterday (I know, I know, get a life) I happened upon this.

A halogen oven that does everything using only the power of a lightbulb. As we don't have an oven in our underground Ibiza bunker loft open plan kitchen I bought one. A snip at €50 from somewhere in Germany as over there, unlike most British companies, they're aware of a world outside their own borders.

Perhaps the most impressive thing about this gizmo is that it washes itself! I'm going to treat Jaki to that Sunday roast she's been wishing for all summer and then I'm going to let her press button b to start the oven's self cleaning process.

As Seen on TV III: Rough Guide

Channel 5's travel show Rough Guide

'The show for independent travelers who like to think for themselves.'

They're told where, when and how to go to whatever destination and what to do when they get there. The only glaring omission is the price of a pint to quaff with your spit roast llama dung on an Andean foothill.

On a similar tourist theme, our local paper asks tourists on their way home at the airport what they thought of Ibiza.
One 30 something Brit declared that the worst thing about Ibiza was 'The West End of San Antonio, because it's full of drunks.'
'Have you been?' asked the reporter.
'No,' replied the Brit, who had obviously seen it on the Rough Guide.

Post Office Tales

Living on a big cosmopolitan island like Ibiza there's no necesity to travel to pick up all the knowledge of the outside world that may just occasionally come in handy - stocking supermarket shelves or topping up your supply of postage stamps come to mind.

I was back at the post office in San Jose today attempting to get a package to that little known country Scotland. This stumped the bloke behind the counter somewhat, 'what country is Scotland in?' he asked.

Ibiza Style File

Wise man that he is, it was Boy George who opined that 'heat is the enemy of style.' And it's so true, you just can't look smart when temperatures are at melting point.

Take me, I'm wishing away the days waiting for a time when I can ditch my sandals and linen schlepping about gear for some smart, classic styling. Brogues, loafers, jeans, chinos, button down Oxford shirts, and a sports jacket or jerkin. Somewhere twixt quintessentially English and preppie Americana and complimented by yet another pair of brogues (suede wing tips) I've got on order from the Yewkay.

Jaki's got a list as long as my arm of clothing that she should not let me out of the front door wearing. I'm particular about what I wear to the point of Anal Retension unless I acquire something sartorially elegant from a rubbish bin.

Jaki remembers meeting me wearing a Bulgarian Army combat jacket in Zurich airport that I'd found in a site cabin in the Iraqi desert and was so proud of. I've done it again because yesterday I fished* something I've always wanted but never realised before out of a rubbish container by the town hall.

It's a 'Coat, hot weather woodland camouflage pattern, combat.' I think it's army talk for rearrange these words into a well known phrase or saying, and helpfully for Nato use it explains 'wear outside of trousers!' presumably so that any French troops retreating at high speed from a combat zone won't make a fashion faux pas.

Any road, when the temperature drops about 15 degrees I'll be donning it to liberate Pacha

* Fished is the operative word, as the bins where I found it are used by our fishmonger to dump all the bits that are left at the end of the day. I have washed the jacket after carefully extracting a cat from every pocket.

As Seen on TV II

Ibiza.

Observational documentary showing the everyday lives of ordinary people in Ibiza for summer 2008.

Virgin 1, Thursday 21.00 UK time

Ok, so it's a repeat, but it may as well be a live show as it's the same old same old every year.

Believe it or not, this is a bloke!! Yep, I saw him in the gents at the Recinto Ferial one time.

(Question to father. Do you remember watching Miss Karla at the Caff Royale??? That's her!!)

As Seen on TV

A sign in the window of an Irish Euro shop

'Everything €2'

It's just so Ibiza


The programme was 'Who do you think you are' with Chris Moyles

Sin Verguenza

It means shameless.

Read on for more Ibiza summer madness.

I've just been to the post office to buy some stamps.

They didn't have any.

Summer Hibernation

A contradiction in terms I know, and not what I've been doing, but what I'd like to do. It would be nice to drop off during my afternoon siesta and wake up at the end of September when the heat, crowds and inconvenience have all gone.

The village is packed with string-bag-clad people schlepping about in bare feet, Speedo wearing supermarket shoppers and lap-top-tappers occupying coffee drinking space.

Summer's here, 2 million cars visit San Jose every day (that's 1,999,999 more than in November) so what have the council done? Yup, closed the car park for non-essential resurfacing work which will last only a month (that's 7 weeks) and only cost €45,000 (that's €55,000) - Good arrows lads.

Mallorca-London-Ibiza-London

Or Mal-lo-ib-don if I had pretensions to write for the Times!

Worramionabout? My new shoes, that's what.

You may know that we're going to England in October and I've already been fretting over what to pack. The thorny problem of shoes reared it's ugly head - wet winter conditions in the Yewkay in October will lead to my leather soled brogues just sucking up water from the flooded streets and probably leave me with a nasty case of trench foot again.

So what to do. First thought was a pair of Docs, but all the reviews on Amazon suggest that Thai manufacturers skimp on build quality and size. So I'm not buying without trying.

Amazon do Campers so I bought a pair. Made in Inca (think Warrington) in Mallorca, they're going all the way to Schuh HQ in fancy London town and then being posted out to me in Ibiza - a round trip of around 2000 miles to cover an as-the-crow-flies journey of around 100 miles. (guestimated figures)

Ironically, they're costing around €30 less than if I'd driven 13 km into Ibiza town to buy some in a shop.