Ibiza: Fantasy Island

Living on the fantasy island of Ibiza is OK most of the time but every now and then you need a reality check. Last night the air was blue in our kitchen when I entered the mundane world of cuisine – no I hadn't burned the food, I was following one of Chef Gordon F*&*”^g Ramsay's f”&*%!g recipes for skate!

Cooking the food was a piece of cake, it was all the other rigmarole I had to go through was a f$***”g nightmare. Apart from effing and blinding like a f”^%*^g trooper I had to change my shirt on camera 5 times, pull a face whilst fingering 30 year old grease on the cooker, pretend to vomit when I found a rancid mouse (dead) in the fridge, give the dining room a new, modern look and re-jig my normal menu to a simpler one featuring local fresh produce simply cooked to perfection.

Here's my skate

Next week Kirstie needs my help. Her assignment to find a country mansion for a high flying city couple relocating from central London is tough dot com! I'm needed to feature in the scene where I sip from a pint of foaming ale in a country pub just before I receive a call confirming that I've bought the yuppies the house of their dreams at 50% below the asking price. Reckon I can do that one!